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June 2, 2022

Am I The Asshole for the way I, 17NB, treat my 54F mother?

A quick summary, my mother and I have not had a good relationship for quite some years. Almost 11. It started when my nephew was born and he only just turned 11 on the 29th of April 2022. 

Since then, my mother has taken her frustrations out on me which is why I now no longer use my birth given name, but my middle name.. The reasoning behind this is, she named me after my father. His name is universal for both genders and can be used either way with a simple letter change.

When she is mad at my father, she is mad at me. I suppose it is easy to take your anger out on someone who is named the exact same thing as the person you're angry at, but when I express how she makes me feel she tells me I am being overdramatic or an idiot because it's "not true".

An example of this was, she was mad at my dad for suggesting sweet potato mash for dinner, and she said "he thinks he deserves a gold medal or something for suggesting it" and all I said was ok. We were in the car to the store and when we got there, the wind got through the car door. She screamed at me for slamming the door, when I simply said the wind got it. She kept yelling at me so I ignored her. I told her if she was going to take her anger out on me I was not going to talk to her when we got in the car.

This happened AGAIN recently. We were in another supermarket and my dad was looking for something and he walked away from her and she was upset he ran away. I was RIGHT next to her, and pointed out a unicorn dressing gown for my niece who is turning 6 on May 5th. She told me she was already looking at pajamas for her, and I said "You wanted to get a dressing gown for (another niece who turned 10 in April)" and she screamed at me. So I told her she needs to stop taking her anger out on me, and she said she wasn't. I yelled at her to CUT IT OUT in the middle of the store, and she stopped. She goes from being angry to being my best buddy when I call her out.

She never says sorry. She just pretends like she is my best friend.

So, Am I the asshole for how I treat my mother?