I, 27 female, grew up in a very conservative family. Believe it or not, I was still a virgin just a couple of months ago. I don't see anything wrong with it as I view my body with high respect. I had a few boyfriends and whenever they plead me to have "sex" with them, I just bolted out and get super cold feet. I like kissing but I honestly hated it whenever their lips go off somewhere and touch me.
I talked to my female friends about it, and they all think I'm weird. They even asked me if I'm gay. I am not. I couldn't tell my friends that I might have this trauma in me because of their past relationships that led to a few horrible breakups after their BF's being "done with them and got what they want". I was so scared of experiencing the same thing that I swore to God not to give myself just to anyone and always demand "wedding first".
In present, I've been married to the love of my life R, 33 for 4months now. He waited for me until I was ready, and we finally had sex for the first time on our honeymoon and I hope for it to be the last. I've refused my husband's request to have sex with me several times already and he kept asking me why. He thinks I'm being unfair for not telling him anything and I told him that it doesn't really feel good for me. He insisted of trying things that will make me feel good. That scared the hell out of me even more and we ended up arguing and him leaving our house. This was the very exact scenario that I was so scared of. Me being left behind and alone. AITA here even though I already gave myself to him?
Why wasn't that enough? Please, I need advice.