I am married, and my husband of five years wants to have another baby. My last pregnancy was traumatic; my son was born at 23 weeks out of the regular 40 weeks you usually carry a baby. Our miracle baby is now three, and my husband is hinting at wanting another baby. I am a grad student almost finished, so by the time I would have the baby, I would be finished with my master's, and he thinks that's my hold up, but in reality, there's more.
My husband was dismissive of my needs the last time I was pregnant. I couldn't sleep, and asked him to rub my back which led to a big argument where he refused. He wouldn't help me with anything I asked him to do. It made me regret marriage in general. And after our son was born, I stayed home with him for two years because my husband was in the military; our child was medically needy, and the only option was me.
Fast forward, I have established a great career and am working towards local government, and he is rising in the ranks in the military. If we have more children it will once again fall on me to sacrifice my career and I don’t want to. Since I have started grad school and working he has stepped up and been of more help but I remember what it was like before and don’t want it. I do want to have more children but I constantly remember he didn’t even want to rub my back in my very first pregnancy with his baby as his wife and in pain. It makes me hesitant.
Am I the asshole for telling him I'm still on birth control even though I know he wants another baby.