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August 02, 2021
The Lost Colony Of Roanoke

Welcome to our very FIRST episode of Reddit On Wiki (we are ignoring John's episode)! Today we are talking about The Lost Colony of Roanoke. One of the first English colonies in the New World disappeared without a trace. Does...

Welcome to our very FIRST episode of Reddit On Wiki (we are ignoring John's episode)! Today we are talking about The Lost Colony of Roanoke. One of the first English colonies in the New World disappeared without a trace. Does the name Croatoan ring a bell to you?

Where did they come from? Where did they go? Where did they come from cotton-eyed Joe? Tune in as the guys discuss this mystery.

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[00:00:00] Josh: Do you often find that you need a distraction from everyday life? Do you like true crime, conspiracy theories, paranormal stories, and other weird dark. Well, tune in and turn up. We're destruction's podcast, where we, your hosts, Christie and Alex, bring you a weird distraction to help you get through the work week.

[00:00:19] Every Sunday morning, you can find our show on apple podcasts, anchor, Spotify, good pods, and more. So grab a snack, get comfy and make sure to lock those doors needed a distraction. We got you.

[00:00:42] Everyone for the first episode of Reddit on Wiki, the podcast that openly admits to using Wikipedia as a source. My apologies to my teacher, Mrs. Thompson, but we are extremely lazy. My name is Josh shell, and I will be running the show today. Along with me are my two amazing co-hosts. First up is the man who thinks drinking and [00:01:00] podcasting are synonyms for each other.

[00:01:01] The incredibly funny, Sean, how's it going? Pretty good man.

[00:01:05] Sean: Excited to be here. Episode

[00:01:06] Josh: one, baby. Oh, I'm excited. I'm excited. And of course we have the man with the plan himself, lover of spooky things and wrestling, John, how's it going, John?

[00:01:16] John: What up, welcome to episode

[00:01:18] Josh: one. Hey, excited to be back, you know, I mean, be back it's our first episode, I guess, but you know what I mean?

[00:01:28] John: Yeah. What did just throw my, my, you know, episodes zero on and trash, but it's all good. You know,

[00:01:32] Josh: I'm not by hurt or. Yeah, we'll throw that in the trash and our host intros. Yeah. They're all. They're all good. I said

[00:01:39] John: some nice things about you fuckers, but I guess nevermind, right?

[00:01:43] Josh: Yeah. I'm going all in on my hosting episode.

[00:01:46] So get ready for that. It's just going to be a distract. All you drop in bars. No. We've talked about this. I,

[00:01:56] again, white Canadian, John, he is a white Canadian. Yeah. [00:02:00] Yeah. True. I mean Drake's half white. Why don't you

[00:02:05] John: disrespect champagne, Papi like that?

[00:02:09] Josh: My apologies. So now I want to give you the listeners a rundown of how the show is going to operate each week. One host will have a research topic of their choosing and present it to the other two.

[00:02:19] They will be reacting, commenting, and throwing in their 2 cents. We will get things wrong a lot of the time. And we hope that if you don't learn something, you'll at least laugh along and have some fun. That sound good guys. That sounds

[00:02:30] John: about right. And I, you know, we also want to encourage them because we're going to get a lot of things wrong.

[00:02:35] Do your own damn research.

[00:02:37] Josh: Yeah. True.

[00:02:38] John: We are. We

[00:02:39] Josh: are not experts in anything at all. So everything take everything with a grain of salt. Especially my episodes. If Josh even

[00:02:47] John: uses salt for his

[00:02:48] Josh: food, I do actually a lot. There you go. Some season up pepper. Oh, now I wanted to start the show with some reviews, but [00:03:00] as this is our first episode, we don't currently have any.

[00:03:02] So instead I went to a random product review generator and created some myself. So without further ado here is the first review that January. It says, quote, heard about this on gypsy jazz radio, decided to give it a try end quote. It doesn't say whether it's good or bad. And I'm now curious as to what gypsy jazz is and if that's offensive or not, did they give a star rating at all?

[00:03:28] Sean: That's all that matters. No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9. It just gives you like a, a sentence. So I don't know. I don't know what the rating was for my mental health. I'll say it's five. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. Oh shit. Five stars. Thanks. Bought one. Yeah. Thanks. But two says, quote, this, read it on. Wiki works quite well.

[00:03:51] It professionally improves my soccer by a lot. End quote. That's the goal. Boom.

[00:03:59] John: Try to [00:04:00] throw my, trying to throw my pun in there, but I got a penalty instead. So

[00:04:03] Josh: red card, red card to John, you said for a little bit. All right. Well, thank you to those lovely bots for those reviews. If you want your reviews read out on the show, please give us a rating and review on apple podcasts or podcast.

[00:04:15] And if you make them as interesting as those reviews, you will definitely make it on the show. Not a high bar. It's not a high bar at all, but I will at least be entertained, reading dumb reviews that have nothing to do with our podcast, with all of that out of the way. Let us jump into the episode today.

[00:04:33] We will be talking about the loss colony of Roanoke now without Googling, it can either of you tell me what you know about the lost colony of Roanoke, or if you have any guesses, imagine it's a group. Okay. Group of people and people are having trouble finding them also true. Yeah. Yeah. Actually still to this day, having trouble finding where they went.

[00:04:55] So I'm on the right track. What about you, John? I

[00:04:58] John: honestly don't [00:05:00] have any clue about, oh no. That last colony. I mean, from the sounds of it, they were calling me and I got lost and, well, actually I do want to know, I do know one thing about it. It wasn't a Carolinas somewhere.

[00:05:13] Josh: It was in the Carolinas somewhere.

[00:05:14] Correct?

[00:05:15] John: That's the only one I know. And then I always get that often confused with James town. So

[00:05:21] Josh: true. Very similar. Other than that, I'm

[00:05:24] John: completely in the blind. I don't know anything about it. Wait,

[00:05:26] Josh: why do you get that confused with Jamestown? Is that, are there similar stories or just, I don't know. It's on another column.

[00:05:34] Oh, I think there's another call in here. I was just like, okay, it's fine. That sounds nothing. Like whatever Josh just said Roanoke. Right? Well, no, the names aren't similar, but the they would be bright. Okay. None of, none of us did backs and I don't know enough about Jamestown to go off about, but we'll we'll ignore that John ever said that.

[00:05:59] Just like [00:06:00] episode zero, you know what I'm saying? We're just going to ignore it.

[00:06:05] John: I quit

[00:06:08] Josh: contractually obligated. We made at least three seasons of this. So,

[00:06:16] all right. I'll jump right into the first paragraph of Wikipedia says, quote, the establishment of the Roanoke colony was an attempt by sir Walter Ralph to found the first permanent English settlement in north America. The English led by Humphrey. Gilbert had claimed St. John's Newfoundland in 1583 as the first American English territory as the Royal prerogative of queen Elizabeth.

[00:06:39] The first, the first Roanoke colony was founded by governor Ralph Lane in 1585 on Roanoke island in what is now known as dare county, North Carolina. Following the failure of the 1585 settlement. A second colony led by John. Landed on the same island in 1587 and set up another [00:07:00] settlement that became known as the lost colony due to the subsequent unexplained disappearance of its population and quote.

[00:07:07] So you were right. It is a group of people and they did go lost on this island known as Roanoke. So I'm going to give full marks to Sean on that. Thank you. Thank you. And a part marks to John forgetting Caroline. You didn't say which Carolina, which disappointed me, but

[00:07:26] John: whatever north salad, there's only two, right?

[00:07:28] Josh: Yeah. I don't understand why you guys have so many north and south state. Combine them. I don't understand. Also randomly new. We have new ones. We have west ones. Yeah.

[00:07:40] John: I mean, Kansas, Arkansas don't. I mean, they spelled the same. They still don't pronounce it the same, but the sauce, the SAS, Arkansas, Kansas.

[00:07:50] You just literally add an AR before that it's fucking Americans. I

[00:07:54] Josh: think it's generally known Americans don't know what what's going on. They just like to. So [00:08:00] they, they break up a lot, which I guess I understand we have like 12 provinces and territories. I don't know. I should know that you only have 12.

[00:08:10] I think so there are a lot larger though. So how's

[00:08:12] John: that say, like in Canada? That's just

[00:08:15] Josh: huge. Canada's biggest fan and it's huge. Yeah. Yeah. And we hate each other just as much, but we don't break up. Oh, that's not true. Quebec did anyway. We're way off topic. So going back to Roanoke, it was an attempt at an English settlement, but I'm going to, I'm going to give you guys the whole rundown of the situation because Wikipedia just gives you a little taste and I'm going to paint you guys a picture right now, you know?

[00:08:39] Birds chirping a nice scenic landscape audio going on right now. So people listening can hear it, but we can't. So let's head back to the late summer in the year, 1585, the smell of the sea fills our noses. As we rock over the gentle waves in the ocean, we are a group of English settlers, ready to explore and [00:09:00] conquer the quote unquote new land led by a man named sir Francis.

[00:09:05] We are the first attempt at an English settlement in the new world. So no pressure guys. Don't don't fuck this up. I feel like we're playing Dungeons and dragons right now. This is exactly what I was going for. So any of you, any of you gamers here? Ah, yeah. Oh yeah.

[00:09:20] John: I'm like getting uncharted and chart.

[00:09:23] Isn't nice. Yeah. I mean the first, the first charter game was about some Francis Drake. I mean, Nathan Drake says, oh shit. You know,

[00:09:31] Josh: it's been so long since I've played on a charter. That was, I was in high school, baby. Jesus, I'm going to get lambasted right now. I've never played, but I don't, I'm an Xbox guy, so I don't have the option to yeah.

[00:09:43] You're Canadian. And

[00:09:44] John: like, X-Box why are you

[00:09:45] Josh: here? You said you wanted diversity on the pilot.

[00:09:53] all right. Back to my painting. Okay. A man screams from the front of the ship land, ho and as we begin to lecture the man about how [00:10:00] calling a land of hoe is both misogynistic and just terrible. A sea of green, seemingly erupts from the endless blue ocean. The coast of what is now known as North Carolina is teaming with life and adventure.

[00:10:11] We anchor our ship off just off of one of the islands, near the coast of this massive landmass, docking our boats. We roll up our sleeves and begin the grueling work of starting in column. All right. That's that's enough. Role-play you can take your costume off. Oh 6 66. So the first year for the settlers was hard and the colony definitely did not farewell.

[00:10:32] With regular tax from the native people and food supplies running low, the colonists were forced to retreat to England in 1586. And that's the end of the story. Yeah. So thanks everyone for listening. Hang on, hang on. Wait. It says there were about 400 more years of genocide slavery and religious indoctrination.

[00:10:51] So I guess that it's not the end. I'm sorry, but if only it could be. Yeah. If only, yeah, exactly. The world might be a better [00:11:00] place. Alas. The English were not deterred. And in August, 1587, another 115 colonists arrived on Roanoke island to try and reestablish a new colony. This time the expedition was led by a man named John White.

[00:11:13] And this time things were different. Just getting there. They went almost exactly the same because it is new land and they were trying to colonize it. So it's going to go poorly. You guys. So it's not for the faint of heart, a little under a year into the second wave of settlers. Things were starting to look.

[00:11:31] Knowing he had to do something. John elected to head back to England for more food and supplies. And so leaving his wife and family behind, he became the first father to son. I'm going to the corner store for some

[00:11:42] John: smokes. The Basser would be named John.

[00:11:46] Josh: Every episode I do with you, John has to have a John in it.

[00:11:49] So you're making

[00:11:50] John: all the Johns look like assholes. Okay.

[00:11:53] Josh: That's my goal. So find the Shaun

[00:11:55] John: or find a Josh or

[00:11:56] Josh: something. There's a lot of douchebag Josh's so we're just going to [00:12:00] throw him on Joe. Now, unfortunately for John, he did get the smoke you see, in Europe, the Anglo Spanish war was at an all-time high.

[00:12:09] This war was never officially a war and is way too complex to get into. But all you need to know is that England, Spain and France were having a Dick swinging contest with their Naval ships, with the famous Spanish Armada. Spain had the upper hand. So queen Elizabeth, the first sent out a call for every available ship to help battle the Spanish Armada.

[00:12:28] This included our John White and his ship. So things aren't looking good for old Johnny boy, he's going to. Left his family behind in a terrible situation. I don't know why he didn't bring them back. Like if we're looking back on this skipping ahead a little bit, but if you were leaving your family for a voyage that would take, I don't know what a month.

[00:12:50] I don't know how long it takes across the ocean. I've never done it, but a long time and you're just leaving them and to star, like he can't have loved his family [00:13:00] that much. I wouldn't think he's probably like, it's

[00:13:02] John: one of those way back then. I feel like they treat one women and children as not really like family, it was like a patriarchy at that point.

[00:13:12] Like everything is male centered, male dominated. So that's probably why it was just like, well, it's my responsibility as a man to provide for food. So therefore, I'm going to leave your ass here to fend for yourself while I go in Galvon it just happens that he got the brunt end of the Spain's big Dick

[00:13:29] Josh: Armada.

[00:13:30] Yeah, it ran face first into a war. After two years of Naval warfare, John was finally able to return to Roanoke in August of 1590. When he arrived on the island, he founded deserted with no trace that a colony had ever been there. The settlement was neatly taken apart with no sign of struggle anywhere.

[00:13:50] And this, this whole story could be called a series of unfortunate events. Not long after John and his crew landed, a large storm was approaching and with no [00:14:00] shelter or way to survive the storm, John was forced to leave his family behind and head back to England, which is pretty sad, I believe. And there was rumors that he had traveled back to search for them.

[00:14:10] But I don't know, I couldn't find anything confirming that. So that's just take that with a grain of salt, but yeah, so our boy John had to abandon and go back home after realizing that there was no one left. So before I get to the most likely theories, I want to hear theories from what you guys think happened to Roanoke.

[00:14:28] I also have some theories from Reddit that are fun that I want to share with you guys. So what, we'll start, we'll start with you guys. What, what what do you think happened? I want

[00:14:37] John: to say murder. I don't know. Maybe it was like a, full-on like, Hmm, that's crazy. Because was it just John that left

[00:14:46] Josh: her? Like all the dudes left their wives and were like, yeah.

[00:14:50] Hope to, I hope you're good in a month. That's a great question. It's assuming he did take some, some people back with him because you need someone to run a ship, right? You can't [00:15:00] do that yourself. So I would assume he would have taken a crew, but he left probably around a hundred, just over a hundred people there on the island.

[00:15:08] And when they got back, the settlement was taken apart neatly. There was no sign of struggle. Oh, it was neat. Yeah. Yeah. Like the fence post was up. I think that was all the set, like poses and stuff.

[00:15:21] John: I think if I were to have like some sort of a speculation, I want to say whoever were the natives of that land that lived there initially, maybe they saw them as a threat.

[00:15:30] They saw that, you know, the men were there to, I guess, quote, unquote protect the women and the children. I think they got wiped out by whoever was the native, native citizens at that time. I was thinking the same bathroom, but are the,

[00:15:45] Josh: are you going to murder people and then like neatly put things away?

[00:15:49] John: Maybe they that's true.

[00:15:52] Josh: I don't know, man. The neatly putting things away

[00:15:55] John: neatly really?

[00:15:55] Josh: I guess that's why we're talking about it today, as opposed to just a murder. It's why it's a bit of a [00:16:00] mystery. Any other things, or do you want me to move on to Reddit's theories?

[00:16:06] John: Maybe they started a.

[00:16:08] Josh: Oh, bro. Back to my podcast that started called go check it exit circle,

[00:16:14] John: baby.

[00:16:15] Maybe, maybe they were just left to fend for themselves. And they were just like, you know what? We're strong, independent people. Like, you know, we don't need no men. So we're just, we're just going to like start a Colt of like empowered women. And they all just dip. They became like the matriarch of that group.

[00:16:30] And they established, you know, civilizations and colonies where it was the reverse role where it's. It's not the patriarchy. That's, that's the head of the house. It's it's the women running things because they're, they're doing all the everyday take care of the everyday duties. Pretty much. That'd be a bad look because they disappeared completely.

[00:16:48] Josh: They're just really good at hiding. Who knows? I like the 21st century look at things. Definitely a feminist. Theory, I guess we'd call it that there were men there. I don't want to make it [00:17:00] sound like every man left. It was just probably like a handful that could run the ship and bring them back. So there were still men there.

[00:17:06] There just wasn't as many, I guess there was probably like, I don't know how many takes to run a ship. I'm going to be honest because I didn't do that research, but let's say, let's say you 15. It takes 15 guys to run a ship to get back to England. So there's still probably, I don't know, 70, 70 guys there.

[00:17:25] It's a lot. All right. I'll move on to the Reddit theories. Cause some of them are pretty, pretty interesting. It's Reddit that's

[00:17:33] John: yeah. That's an explanation in itself. The whole reason for the podcast.

[00:17:38] Josh: Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So my first theory comes from shes MFI shifts, shizz, MFI, we'll go with that. Cool. He or she says.

[00:17:50] If I recall correctly, there was also a mysterious native population, not too far away from the mysterious Roanoke colony that mysteriously. And he likes to use the word mysteriously a lot. He [00:18:00] had blonde hair and blue eyes, light skin members for generations, very mysterious and quote. So she's MFI seems to think it's, they may be integrated with the native colonies in the air.

[00:18:13] Not sure where that stands on, on your list of theories, but that makes sense if all, if most of the men like, or

[00:18:19] John: at least the strong men that could provide all went on the ship, maybe the

[00:18:23] Josh: women and children looked somewhere else. That's true. That's possible. I

[00:18:27] John: think, I think that's more feasible now instead of my murder theory.

[00:18:30] And that's probably, that's probably why everything was neatly put away or neatly because they brought it with them to

[00:18:39] Josh: wherever right up. Now, hang on to that because this next theory might change your mind. Is it aliens better? Wildcard 35 says quote to the best of my knowledge. He says he's a history grad.

[00:18:55] No one knows for certain what happened to the colony. Many theories have been [00:19:00] postulated, including famine mishaps with natives and even zombies. There we go, hold on. There it is.

[00:19:08] John: Book is a history major.

[00:19:12] Josh: Yeah. I mean, you can, you can become a history major. I'm throwing out

[00:19:15] John: some BS as a, as a possible theory.

[00:19:19] Josh: Yeah, yeah. Not a great, and I love this theory because it's so ridiculous that I had to Google. And I came across this article on zombie research Nice credible source. It there's. I took a quote from it, Sarah. Well, a, a paragraph from it. So it says quote ZRS researcher. So zombie research society, researcher, Andre Freeman suggests that it may have been the work of zombies.

[00:19:47] Freeman considers the findings of noted Harvard archeologists, Lawrence stagger, who in unearth evidence that mass cannibalism at the Roanoke. He also points to reports from local tribes stating that the colonists died in a [00:20:00] great war within their own ranks boat. A sudden undead plagues sweeping through the unprepared colony would quickly become a horrific, violent feast, leaving, not a man woman or child alive and quote.

[00:20:12] He goes on to suggest that the relative isolation of the settlement and time elapsed before the return of the supply. Would allow for the remaining colonial zombies to rot back into the earth without any humans left to feed on. So no way to spread the infection, the zombie outbreak would have simply died off and.

[00:20:31] So a lot to unpack there. If there's one thing we know about zombies is that they're very neat when they pack, you know what I'm saying? They leave, like they like to keep things Knight and they threatened to call us. They said, put away the houses. We don't need those anymore. Put them nicely away and then we'll eat you.

[00:20:49] John: You know what I am. I'm actually quite surprised that you're the first one. Who's throwing a cannibalistic episode. I thought I was going to be the first one. So, I mean, actually that. That theory [00:21:00] actually sounds legit. I know. I sound fickle as shit, like just switching all the time, but that kind of makes sense.

[00:21:07] I'm sorry. A history major. My guy they're related, but not related. The us government has

[00:21:13] Josh: a page on zombie preparedness word. Yeah. The CDC

[00:21:17] John: has a page on how to prepare for a zombie

[00:21:19] Josh: apocalypse. We covered it on like one of our very first episodes on shotgun thoughts. So full circle. You'll have to do an episode on that.

[00:21:29] Sean, I'll just I'll just

[00:21:31] John: play my episode in the middle of it.

[00:21:34] Josh: Just like hit play button. So here's the research I've done. It's play. I'll say I love it. It's like, what are the other two voices? Josh and John sound different. This anway way drunker. So yeah, I'll definitely love to impact. I don't know if it's technically believable, John.

[00:21:57] Like if there had been cannibalism yeah. The [00:22:00] neatly packed stuff doesn't really fit into that genre. There'd be signs of struggle or you did at least find the bodies. I know he says there'd be time for the bone, the bodies to dispose of, but there definitely would not be like the bodies would still be there.

[00:22:13] So I don't believe it's a possibility, but it's a fun one to look at. My final Reddit comment that I grabbed, it was from someone deleted and PR probably for good reason, but oh God, he says, I mean, it's not terrible. Not, yeah, I'll get into it. He says, quote, read this. And then it's a link to a book on Amazon called a voyage long and strange on the trail of Vikings, concussed, adores, lost colonists and other adventures in the early Americas by Tony Horwitz.

[00:22:49] And he goes on to say great, funny, interesting book, all about the visitors to the Americas between Columbus and before and up to the pilgrims landing, including Roanoke favorite line [00:23:00] quote. When the pilgrims landed on Plymouth, the first native American, they encountered not only spoke fluent English, but asked if they had brought a.

[00:23:08] End quote, and then he says, great read. So definitely not an accurate representation of the interaction between white settlers and native Americans. But if you want a whitewashed version of the events, check out that book sure. Is just as friendly as that. Yeah. I mean, he's asking for a beer, you know, it's not a bad way to get introduced.

[00:23:30] Now. These are all great theories all equally valid. But we need to throw in an ad, so we don't resort to cannibalism ourselves. So it, please enjoy a word from our sponsors. As we discuss who will be eaten first between the three. All right. So we agree that John gets eaten first. You're good with that, Sean?

[00:23:48] Yeah, I'm probably good. Oh, cool. I will say

[00:23:51] John: it should probably be me. I feel like I haven't met you all in person, but just looking at y'all I'm pretty sure I have the highest body fat percentage. Josh. He looked [00:24:00] like a skinny man. John. I know you work out every day at five and I do no. I'm built like a fucking pug.

[00:24:06] So, or, or like a Guinea pig? No, no, no, no, no,

[00:24:09] Josh: no,

[00:24:09] John: no, no, no, you don't. You don't, you don't, you don't see the bottom half, bro. I got a big old gut. Okay.

[00:24:15] Josh: Now, as far as what happened to the loss colonists, it seems that swish MFI might have had the closest theory with the blonde hair, blue eyes, native Americans in the air.

[00:24:25] This is because archeologists in 1998, studied the tree ring data in the area, and it appeared that the two years John was gone, there was a massive drought in that part of north America. So the colonists would have been forced to move, to find food and a steady supply of water. Also before John retreated from the storm, he noticed the word Krakatoan was carved into a fence post surrounding the colony.

[00:24:48] There was also the letters C R O carved into tree trunks around the area. So, I mean, I left that a little bit out, but it gives you a big clue as to where they go, because it suggests the colonist attempted to migrate to the [00:25:00] nearby Croatan island. Now known as Hatteras island, which is occupied by a native American tribe at the time.

[00:25:07] The most popular theory is that they joined the native Americans to overcome their lack of resources. So not zombies. Sadly, John, I don't, I don't know where that stacks up on the dammit how close it is to reality, but it's probably low on the list, I think much less exciting. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[00:25:25] John: Well, I got my hopes up for nothing.

[00:25:27] Josh: Sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, you can do the cannibal episode on your episode. So there are many, many pieces of evidence to back this up, but there was obviously a, was Ms. WiFi's claim that native Americans in the area have light skin, blue eyes, as I said, sir. So that suggests that the colonists became part of the trial and procreated with them.

[00:25:48] Another week piece of it, evidence to back this up is that archeologists had found artifacts and objects within the Kroto in villages that only English settlers had owned. This doesn't necessarily [00:26:00] prove that they were there only that the tribe I had communication and trade with English settlers. The final piece of evidence they found is the most common.

[00:26:09] There are reports that John White's daughter, Eleanor dare, would carve stories of the colonists on to stones. These stones are called dare stones and have been found all over the island. However, many of these stones are believed to be hoaxes, but some academics believe that there are at least one of the stones may be authentic.

[00:26:27] And I believe that's also why it's called dare county, where the area is. So fun fact about that area. If any, North Carolina ans are listening in. So, yeah, so there's a lot of like, you know, not hardcore proof that they integrated with the native Americans, but there's a lot of pointing to that. At least we may never actually know the truth about the colonists of Roanoke.

[00:26:50] Did they make it to the Crow tow in Ireland? Did they suffer and die from a drought or did they die at the hands of zombies? All plausible theories, but for [00:27:00] now that is the end of the last colony of Rowan. Sorry. Sorry, I didn't give you an answer to your questions of the whole podcast, but. It's a clickbait podcast title to start it off.

[00:27:12] We need those clicks. We do. So what'd you guys think what'd you guys think of Roanoke? Anything interesting. I'm going to

[00:27:19] John: go since there's not a lot of proof. I'm still going to go with my head Canon of alien.

[00:27:24] Josh: I thought you were going to say I'm going to go. Not yet. I'm just going

[00:27:28] John: to go to Roanoke.

[00:27:29] I'll I'll save. I'll go back in time. I'll save all

[00:27:31] Josh: those things. You know, I appreciate it from the aliens, from the aliens. Nice

[00:27:36] John: ma maybe, you know, maybe Allianz help them with, with neatness technology.

[00:27:41] Josh: You know, like that's what I'm saying.

[00:27:44] John: Maybe, maybe, maybe the aliens brought like futuristic. Nice enough.

[00:27:53] Josh: No, I can. Mr. Clean shows up on the island

[00:27:57] John: magic erasers, like

[00:27:59] Josh: them. [00:28:00] You want to make things wider.

[00:28:03] John: Why do you think that the, they bought their pipe? Also the aliens probably introduced bleach as well. Maybe that's why a lot of the native children became a blur. Oh,

[00:28:14] Josh: there we go.

[00:28:16] John: This is where shit goes down legitimately.

[00:28:19] No other, no other experts.

[00:28:21] Josh: Yeah. I think we figured it out guys. Yeah. Aliens and Mr. Clean. Bleach or Dyson bleach.

[00:28:31] John: Exactly. That's not even the same bleach you used to bleach your hair, right? I'm pretty sure that's going to kill you or

[00:28:35] Josh: messy. Oh yeah, definitely. Fuck. Pair up. Like I wouldn't do that. Don't do that.

[00:28:40] John: Don't do that either. I know a lot of you not going to say, but a lot of you listen to some guy I say drink bleach, but. Is that an office or we're good. That's how you cure COVID

[00:28:52] Josh: is it not w yeah, no. I mean, I didn't get rid of it bleach right up the vein. Yeah. [00:29:00] Hey guys, it will get rid of COVID. It will a hundred percent get rid of the code.

[00:29:06] If it's in your systems, we'll get rid of you. So guaranteed.

[00:29:10] John: That's a, yeah. That's, you'll be dumb. Found that different. Yeah.

[00:29:13] Josh: Yeah. I'd say you'd be on an episode, but we're done. They're done found dead. When's that coming out.

[00:29:21] John: But I do think the the theory of kind of assimilation with the w th did they say what the the tribal.

[00:29:27] Josh: Ah, so it says CRO atone, but I believe they're called the Hatteras and that's why the islands called Hatteras island. Now that's what I've read. I, again, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I didn't do super research into that. But there were some people in the Reddit comments saying, I am part of this native American tribe.

[00:29:46] And I don't know how you find you can embarrass centers, but they were saying that there are, there are rumors within the tribe that there was an English colony that did integrate with their tribes. So enterprise

[00:29:58] John: at this point that no one did [00:30:00] a Kickstarter for, for people who claim that they are like, just give them a bunch of subscription for a 23andme or, or those things where

[00:30:10] Josh: I mean, to be fair if I was the native American people and white people came up to them and were like, we want to do a DNA test on you. True. This shit. Yeah. I'm saying thanks. But no, thanks.

[00:30:21] John: Not to get off topic, but didn't 23 and me just have like a

[00:30:24] Josh: big, like aren't they selling gear? Yeah, I think they were selling it to like the government or something like that.

[00:30:37] 23 and me, it was a subsidiary subsidiary of them. I think I forgot what it's called, but someone got arrested because. Uploaded their DNA to the, to the, or sent their DNA and, and it made a match with was it, I don't know if it was a murder or something and so the guy got like arrested or girl I forgot.

[00:30:55] Yeah. Yeah. So be careful if you're going to commit a [00:31:00] murder, don't say, yeah. Don't, don't

[00:31:01] John: say your DNA, right? Right.

[00:31:04] Josh: If you take anything from this Roanoke episode, it's, don't send your DNA.

[00:31:11] John: We're not even talking about lost colony or we're just talking about don't, you know, don't, don't send your babies around

[00:31:19] Josh: and send it to Jeff Bezos. He'll do what he wants. Exactly.

[00:31:23] John: But I mean, at the same time, like if they do get assimilated, I just got to say, that's probably like a beautiful combination of, of the oh, absolutely.

[00:31:30] That's going to be yeah. That's I mean, you got like the natives and then you have like the fair skin. Well people in Europe and you combine that with the blue eyes, man, those kids are gonna make it far in

[00:31:40] Josh: the world. No. Yeah. I mean, it's a beautiful story in like multiple senses. If they actually did come together in this like harmonic, Hey, it's a trout.

[00:31:49] Let's help each other out like that. That would be a nice story. The hundreds of years afterwards or not? No,

[00:31:55] John: not so nice. Yeah. And if those are the, like the native Americans that are like, their [00:32:00] ancestors are now white people who are like, well, I'm technically like 1 78 Cherokee.

[00:32:05] Josh: So like I have a say in this,

[00:32:07] John: the Redskins is a totally fine football name.

[00:32:10] I would know I'm 1 78 Cherokee again,

[00:32:14] Josh: let you know, the widest person you've ever seen in your life. I'm pretty sure you're not actually. Yeah. Yeah. I dunno if you get a say in this, but maybe take a bet, take a seat on the bench for this one. That's funny. That could be what their ancestors are doing.

[00:32:29] Right. Who knows? Anyway, that is the story of the lost colony of Roanoke. Thank you everyone. To listening to this first episode, if you can please leave a rating and review on apple podcasts or pod chaser, it helps us out and you have a chance to have your review read out on an upcoming episode. If you want to hear more fake reviews, don't leave any reviews and I'll just keep no, don't tell them to do that.

[00:32:54] Leave reviews. I enjoy it. So if you want to keep up with the show, please hit [00:33:00] that subscribe button and stay up to date with the latest episodes. We will be releasing once a week. I choked. That's what she said. Damn it.

[00:33:11] We will be releasing once a week on Mondays. And if you still want more from us, you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram at Reddit on Wiki. This is Josh signing off Sean. You're up next, Scott.