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October 25, 2021
Brothers Grimm | Wait, They're Actual Brothers!?

Welcome to the finale of our #SpookySZN series and what better way to cap things off by having a special guest: Lindsay Valenty is the host of the "Ye Olde Crime" podcast, where she and her sister Madison discuss the funny, strange, and obscure crimes that took place before the 1900s. She's also one of the co-hosts of "Pineapple Pizza Podcast," which shares the myths, cry…

Welcome to the finale of our #SpookySZN series and what better way to cap things off by having a special guest:

Lindsay Valenty is the host of the "Ye Olde Crime" podcast, where she and her sister Madison discuss the funny, strange, and obscure crimes that took place before the 1900s. She's also one of the co-hosts of "Pineapple Pizza Podcast," which shares the myths, cryptids, and urban legends of different countries around the world.

Today, we will be discussing: Brothers Grimm!

According to Wikipedia: "The Brothers Grimm (die Brüder Grimm or die Gebrüder Grimm, German: [diː ɡəˈbʁyːdɐ ɡʁɪm] (

listen)), Jacob Ludwig Karl Grimm (1785–1863) and Wilhelm Carl Grimm (1786–1859), were German academicsphilologists, cultural researchers, lexicographers and authors who together collected and published folklore during the 19th century. They were among the first and best-known collectors of German and European folk tales, and popularized traditional oral tale types such as "Cinderella" ("Aschenputtel"), "The Frog Prince" ("Der Froschkönig"), "The Goose-Girl" ("Die Gänsemagd"), "Hansel and Gretel" ("Hänsel und Gretel"), "Rapunzel", "Little Red Riding Hood" ("Kleine Rotkäppchen"), "The Wolf and the Seven Young Goats" ("Der Wolf und die Sieben Geißlein"), "Rumpelstiltskin" ("Rumpelstilzchen"), "Sleeping Beauty" ("Dornröschen"), and "Snow White" ("Schneewittchen"). Their classic collection, Children's and Household Tales (Kinder- und Hausmärchen), was published in two volumes: the first in 1812 and the second in 1815."

You can find all Lindsay's link here:

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  1. Wikipedia contributors. (2021, November 24). Brothers Grimm. Wikipedia.
  2. Brothers Grimm | Biography, Stories, & Works. (n.d.). Encyclopedia Britannica.
  3. Myint, B. (2020, September 30). 5 Facts About The Brothers Grimm. Biography.
  5. A Summary and Analysis of the ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ Fairy Tale. (2021, April 25). Interesting Literature.
  6. Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales, published in January 1976 by Nelson Doubleday (

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Episode 15- Brothers Grimm

[00:00:00] Josh: The following podcast contains adult language and content, not suitable for children.

[00:00:05] Some topics may contain graphic details. So a general trigger warning is in place.

[00:00:10] John: We

[00:00:10] appreciate you being here. So please enjoy the show.

[00:00:23] Welcome to episode 15 of Reddit on Wiki. And yes, we have escaped the proverbial pod fade. As we made it past the dreaded episode, milestone it is on your boy, John, and would meet this week, fresh from a vacation, still got a fresh haircut going on as well. The high-key heated that he took a massive L from our Winchester mystery house, full shots and thoughts, head honcho and Houston legend Shaun Salvino.

[00:00:47] What is going on? My guy, what to do

[00:00:49] Sean: with the maniacs? I'm chilling. I'm not superheated. It's just, there were no rules. And then y'all are making me do things that were not part of the set rules. And that's what [00:01:00] I'm heated about. Well, we'll get into that later.

[00:01:01] John: That's not important. That's not important right now.

[00:01:04] And rounding up the crew this week. We are actually down one guy as our cult leader. Josh is busy taking care of closing in, on his newly acquired compound. So if you're not big boy things, baby boy, they BJ added again today or tonight, wherever you listen. We are joined by one of our favorite people, not just as a host, but an amazing friend to our show as well.

[00:01:30] She is one of the hosts of the amazing yield crime and one-third of the pineapple pizza pod. We can man yaks, please. Welcome Lindsay Valenty. Hello?

[00:01:40] Lindsay: Hello. Thank you for that. Warm.

[00:01:43] John: Welcome. Oh, was it warm? Was it warm? Ooh. Okay. I like fresh out of the oven. Oh, there's going to be ponds in this episode, John, just yeah.

[00:01:53] There's

[00:01:54] Sean: puns. Every episode. I can't get away from it. You know what I'm

[00:01:56] John: saying? And Lynn's is great at it too. So [00:02:00]

[00:02:02] Sean: I'm forever

[00:02:02] John: doomed. Yeah, you are. You are. All right. So today we are copying off our month long spooky season series. And what better way to end the series by having an awesome guest who happens to know a thing or two about our topic.

[00:02:16] But if you see the cover art spoiler alert, you already know what the, what the fuck we're going to be talking about. But before we get started, this week's episode, let's get to know our guests a little bit. All right. So we're going to ask you a series of question. Sean is gonna kind of just jump in there back and forth, which that whichever he comes up with, I'm going to start, I'm going to start you off with this lens.

[00:02:37] Okay. Let's start with your show. Yield crime. You know, your shows tagline is you and your sister Mattie discussed the funny, strange and obscure crimes that took place before the 19 hundreds. So what kind of, what, what inspired you to pick that era of history?

[00:02:52] Lindsay: I think part of why I chose that part of history is because once you kind of reached the 19 hundreds and start to [00:03:00] go past that point, a lot of those cases are a little bit more well-known even if they are like pre like 1940s, 1950s.

[00:03:07] And as you start to go back further in history, you find these cases that are. Completely bizarre off the wall cases that have inspired tons of pop culture, things, and movies, and the stories that are kind of behind, you know, like the creation of Dracula and things like that. So there's just all these really quirky stories that take place pre 1900 that I started discovering.

[00:03:36] And I know no one else knew what the hell I was talking about when I bring them up. They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'm like, I need you to know this because it, like, I thought it was really cool and I needed you to know that it's really cool. And that's kind of what inspired the podcast is.

[00:03:53] I would be, I would read about these, these weird things that happen in history. And I was like, I need to tell [00:04:00] somebody about this and that unwitting person is my sister Maddie. So I mean,

[00:04:06] John: it's, it's, it's a perfect storm. Like. A topic that you really interested in with your sister, and it's a good time to bond.

[00:04:13] I mean, I know Sean and his friends at shots and thoughts, that's, that's a good way for them to bond as well. So exactly. A few things. Okay. Yeah. So I'll follow up question with that one. And actually Josh is really sorry. He's unable to make this call, but he did leave a voicemail for me to play for you because he wants you to hear it.

[00:04:33] And he also has, he also has a question, everyone. That's Josh

[00:04:37] Sean: long-time holster. First time caller. Sorry, I couldn't make it this episode today. I'm busy setting up my new compound and I'm very disappointed that I couldn't ask Lindsay a question because yield crime is one of my favorite podcasts. So I wanted

[00:04:50] John: to call in and ask, what are your goals

[00:04:52] with

[00:04:52] Lindsay: this podcast,

[00:04:53] Sean: Lindsey.

[00:04:53] And how do you see it evolving over the next few years?

[00:04:56] Lindsay: Thank you. And I will see you with Khamenei X next week. [00:05:00] I love you, Josh.

[00:05:02] Sean: The sultry tones of Josh hill. I

[00:05:04] Lindsay: know. First

[00:05:06] John: time

[00:05:10] Lindsay: later. That's a good question. So obviously for people who have listened to the show and know about my crazy handy-dandy spreadsheet, I actually have this crazy Google spreadsheet that has probably another three years worth of topic ideas.

[00:05:28] John: Oh my God.

[00:05:31] Lindsay: And so unless something happens, I don't plan to go anywhere anytime soon.

[00:05:38] So there's really no plans for us to like, just end suddenly. And they're both, these guys are like looking at me with their mouth wide open, like in

[00:05:48] John: years,

[00:05:49] Sean: three years. Is it insane? Okay. Well, first off, read it on. Wiki comes up with topics just because John is making graphics. Now we're coming up with topics.

[00:05:59] At least a month in [00:06:00] advance. Most of the time ish. Yeah. Shots and thoughts is like the day we record on let's figure it out. What are we doing today guys? So three years is crazy. That's okay. And I'm

[00:06:15] Lindsay: not saying that I have like every single week planned out that far yet. I have the rest of this year planned out as far as what the topics are, but that's a fluid switch.

[00:06:25] It's a fluid spreadsheet. So I have another tab that has like tons of different topics. It's probably the most organized I've ever been in my life. And it's like by category and by topic and by. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Like I I'll send you guys a screenshot of it. It's like the most insane thing I've ever made in my life.

[00:06:50] Sean: Yes, please. Maybe I'll copy it. And then that way I can get my two podcasts back on like the three year schedule.

[00:06:59] John: And if you [00:07:00] haven't listened to the Kenya crack, the cramp word episode, this is a plug for one of those episodes as well. My mouth right now is agape. It was that one of the words that you're

[00:07:10] Lindsay: gape seated right now, ,

[00:07:13] John: I'm super gape seated right now.

[00:07:14] So that's, that's a plug. Listen to that episode. Surprisingly

[00:07:19] Sean: not sick.

[00:07:20] Lindsay: I know

[00:07:22] John: the mission is

[00:07:22] Sean: not scheduled hypothesis. We're very raunchy and unnecessarily sexual.

[00:07:29] Lindsay: Yeah. Spoiler alert, Shawn. His first response was I know what gate means.

[00:07:38] Sean: That was me though.

[00:07:41] John: I know what gate means.

[00:07:46] Lindsay: And I was like, yes, you do

[00:07:48] John: the man with the forever ruined browser history. My

[00:07:52] Sean: browser history, my ads.

[00:07:56] John: I

[00:07:57] Sean: do have a question too. So [00:08:00] you have two different podcasts, like with me shots and thoughts is like, I, I host and I, I do. Most, all the social media stuff with that. And then John does most of well, John and I, I do feel bad sometimes John and Josh do a lot of the legwork for Reddit on Wiki.

[00:08:18] I'm not going to find it. And then I'm kind of mostly just there for moral support, do the fire emoji, you know what I'm saying? I'm there to record, but how do you, how do you do both and, you know, give both your full attention? Cause I it's, it's so difficult to me.

[00:08:35] Lindsay: Yeah, that's a good question. So I think the great thing about pineapple pizza is that I have two amazing co-hosts.

[00:08:43] So it's Emily of the formerly run, drink, drunk, dead podcasts. Like there's no, they don't have any plans for relaunching it at this point in time. And then Ashley from the studying Scarlet podcast and we've kind of divided up the duties. [00:09:00] So Ashley is our social media Maven. She handles all the social for pineapple pizza and Emily and I kind of divide up the editing of the episodes.

[00:09:10] And the nice thing about the format for pineapple pizza is each of us has one week where we have an episode each month. So we don't have to like come up with as much content every single month, which is really nice. We have had wild card episodes where it's like, if there's a five month or a five week, month, then one of us has an extra episode that we do.

[00:09:33] And so my wildcard episode was about today's topic. So that's why I know about it. And so that kind of takes a lot of the pressure off because you really only have to create one story a month as opposed to doing, you know, four or five, depending on how many weeks are in the month. So,

[00:09:52] John: okay. Sean, Sean gets an a, in a group project I'm just getting, but can't do it [00:10:00] without them.

[00:10:00] Like his episodes, I think are the funniest out of all of ours, because me and Josh, when we said it before, we were just like very structured on the way we want to run things. And then Shawn comes in and just like fucks everything up and like the best, the best way.

[00:10:17] Lindsay: Yeah. Sean just comes in like a. Emperor Cusco from you just like kicks the door open and you're just like, boom, baby. Here I am. Here's my episode. Truly

[00:10:30] Sean: an honor to be compared to emperor Cusco childhood hero.

[00:10:36] John: He's

[00:10:36] Sean: pretty great. I'm talking about before he learns the

[00:10:38] Lindsay: moral, no touchy, no touch.

[00:10:43] John: And that's a perfect segue to my follow-up question.

[00:10:46] I feel like I sent you the script beforehand, which I swear to God, I didn't. So you mentioned that you are also one third of the host of the pineapple pizza podcast and, and, you know I can probably say that I've known you three ladies for the past a year and some change and you [00:11:00] guys have always been like my, I mean, at three I'm three podcasts in every single time the guys were there to support me.

[00:11:05] So, so shout out to you guys for that. And, and I do want to say that I want to give you. You Ash and Emily, like the, kind of a credit on the creation of Reddit on Wiki, because I kind of saw how seamless that you guys ran. I think you guys had a lot of things in common psych references, a lot of one of them.

[00:11:23] So it's, I guess I give you guys a lot of credit. Cause I was like, I saw how that worked and I saw how that could possibly work for for Sean and Josh. So with that said, how do you three manage each other's styles and personality to make your show run as smoothly as possible?

[00:11:41] Lindsay: That's a good question. I think part of it comes from the fact that, you know, off, off Mike, I guess you could say we're all really good friends.

[00:11:52] Like we text each other every single day. We talk pretty much all the time and we have [00:12:00] senses of humor that really kind of balanced each other out. Like if you know, Ashley, she's got this really dark sense of humor and she's very quick witted when it comes to like pop culture, references, nerdy, obscure references, like she she's on it like nine times out of 10, the merge ideas that we have are something that she has said on the show because she's so quick-witted and funny.

[00:12:29] And like, they're both crazy smart. And Emily is just so funny and quirky and I kind of feel like I'm the dumb one of the three of us. Like, I'm kind of like the dopey that rounds us out.

[00:12:49] John: I feel all the time on this.

[00:12:53] Lindsay: I am the Shaun of the pineapple pizza crew,

[00:12:56] John: I guess I'm to add I'm Ash of this group [00:13:00]

[00:13:01] Lindsay: and.

[00:13:03] It's just great. Cause we, we really kind of had this great chemistry we can like riff off of each other. And what's great about this show is we each picked a topic concept that we're really passionate about. So like Ashley really likes to digging into things like, and that's why she picked the mythology.

[00:13:23] Is she really likes learning about different cultures. Emily loves cryptids they're like her favorite things. So that's why she chose that. I don't really get to do a lot of like. Updated stuff on my show, obviously. Cause it's all pre 1900, but I've always thought urban legends are awesome and like super creepy and like paranormal stuff, go stories.

[00:13:46] I'm all about it. So being able to do that as a different outlet has been great for me. So I think that's part of it too, is we're each picking things that we're really passionate about that we really enjoy doing. And that [00:14:00] enhances that chemistry because we're, we're automatically bringing something to the table that we're really excited

[00:14:05] Sean: about.

[00:14:05] So yeah, like John said earlier, he wrote his shit down. Huh? He's a very prepared,

[00:14:11] John: I told you structured. I've not. It's cool. I got some more, I

[00:14:15] Sean: got some water. I had one in my head. I'm not going to lie and that I completely forgot.

[00:14:19] John: You gotta, you got a job. Okay. So next question for that, knowing what you know now and having access to.

[00:14:28] Practices technology processes, what's a crime you covered or something weird that you covered before the 19 hundreds that would you go back to and help crack?

[00:14:41] Lindsay: Oh man, this is so the case that has fascinated me the most is after the 19 hundreds. And that's why I've never been able to cover it on my show, but I did cover it with my sister on victimology.

[00:14:58] And it's the hinter kyphotic [00:15:00] murders. Are you familiar with that? No. Okay. So the hinter cofaq murders took place in this tiny town in Germany and it was a dad, his wife, his adult daughter, his adult daughters, two small children and then a maid. And so what happened was. The family lived on this farm and the previous made left because she felt like she was hearing noises in the house, like coming from upstairs, you know, kinda like the urban legend, like the coal was coming from inside the house, you know, type of thing.

[00:15:40] And like things would go missing or be misplaced around the house, things like that. And she was convinced the place was haunted. So she knocked out of there. And then this new woman started working there. Like, and then probably like three days later, [00:16:00] all of a sudden the family wasn't coming into town and the youngest daughter was going to school and she missed like two days of school, which she never missed.

[00:16:10] So the towns people are like, something's going on. So then they go to the, the farmhouse everyone's dead. Everyone's just flat out. Half the family is in the barn. Like, like they had been drawn out there individually and like bludgeoned to death execution style that one of the kids was murdered inside the house and the maid was murdered inside the house.

[00:16:40] And there's like the creepiest thing about every, about all of it is that all the animals were still being taken care of.

[00:16:51] Sean: Oh no. So

[00:16:54] Lindsay: it's like, so the theory is that someone had been living in the attic [00:17:00] of the house,

[00:17:01] Sean: some parasites, small

[00:17:04] John: hail,

[00:17:06] Lindsay: and then murdered the family for whatever reason, but he kept keeping up the farm until.

[00:17:19] They did, but nothing was, they didn't find anything up there. And the thing is that it was in winter, it was winter time. So at one point when they went out there to investigate, there was a pair of footprints or there was like a trail of footprints that went from the woods to the house. Oh no,

[00:17:37] Sean: no, no.

[00:17:39] Lindsay: But there was no return trail of footprints that went back into the woods.

[00:17:44] So there's like all these weird creepy things. And like, there was a newspaper they found at the house that no one. Remembered like ordering or having it delivered to them, all these creepy things. And there's all these theories. And [00:18:00] that's the one case where I really want to know what happened. Like if it was, if it was like, cause there's okay.

[00:18:12] There's like another theory that like the two young children were a result of incest with like the dad. Like there's like all these layers to this case and it's, it's fascinating. And that makes me again, that makes me sound gross because I'm just like, oh my God. I want to

[00:18:32] Sean: know. So there were footprints from the woods to the house while they investigated and they couldn't find anything inside the house.

[00:18:41] Yeah. Oh, fuck.

[00:18:43] John: No, no, Nope. Oh, fuck. No,

[00:18:46] Sean: no, it's kind of creepy. Whenever you said attic, that kind of fucked me up. Cause we bought this house and I have yet to step in my attic,

[00:18:54] John: bro. I got to go up and replace my damn filter and it's an attic,

[00:18:59] Sean: all the filters in the [00:19:00] attic. I filter it outside and I'm just like, bro, I do not want to go in there.

[00:19:03] I don't know what kind of dead animals were in. Cause when we bought the house, they were like kind of like. What's it called not the roof, but you know how, like, this is, this is great podcasting here. But if my hand is

[00:19:18] John: on YouTube, you find you find,

[00:19:19] Sean: and this is the house. You know what I'm saying? This like little under area.

[00:19:24] I don't know what the fuck that's called.

[00:19:25] John: You know what I'm

[00:19:25] Lindsay: saying? Yeah. The area where the roof goes over the house

[00:19:30] Sean: and that, so like when we moved in my, my wife thought the house was haunted because we woke up one night and there was like thumps in the ceiling. And then, and then I was like, oh, wait, there's holes.

[00:19:41] It's probably just a fucking possum or some shit. And then, yeah. And when we got the roof fixed, the next morning I was driving to work, I saw a little possum walking down the street. I was like, I kicked

[00:19:53] John: him out of his

[00:19:53] Lindsay: house. I was like, God damn. And I got evicted. Yeah. Any warning. [00:20:00]

[00:20:00] Sean: I'm too scared to go

[00:20:00] John: in there, man.

[00:20:02] Damn, don't remind me. All right, next question. But that is interesting. I really want to go take a look at that now I've never heard of it, so that's, that's insane. I'm going to

[00:20:11] Sean: be Googling that immediately.

[00:20:15] John: All right. So you have this, this elaborate dinner plan. Okay. You can invite three guests, one from mythology, one cryptid and one urban legend.

[00:20:27] I kind of have a feeling. I know who the urban legend is, who are the three-year inviting over and why? Hm.

[00:20:36] Lindsay: From mythologies, I would have to invite my boy Loki because he is the OG trickster God. And I think it'd be a wild time to hear some of his stories of his hi-jinks in back home. And. And as God and for a cryptid, it has to be moth, man, [00:21:00] because he's asked God, he is an ASCA and you can like bounce quarters off that.

[00:21:05] Booty

[00:21:06] Sean: got a goddamn wagon.

[00:21:10] Lindsay: Hope you got a large trunk, so I'm gonna put my bike in it.

[00:21:18] Oh God. And I think for my urban legend, let's

[00:21:23] Sean: see if John was right.

[00:21:25] John: Oh no. Actually my guests was equipped. Did I misspoke? Oh, okay. Okay.

[00:21:28] Lindsay: I might do. I might actually do slender, man.

[00:21:34] Sean: Oh shit. I'm not going to lie. I was thinking Slenderman, but that's also probably because that's the only urban legend I could think of.

[00:21:43] Lindsay: It was either going to be that or who is a slip mouth. Well, But I feel like if it's a dinner party, she's going to make a huge mess. So it's true. That's a lot of blood. That's a lot of blood and just like, she's not gonna be able to keep any fluids in her mouth. It's going to be [00:22:00] gross. So you lose your appetite real quick.

[00:22:03] I'd be like, girl, you need to know. Sorry. You're just needing to sit there and look pretty

[00:22:10] Sean: and have a face at all.

[00:22:13] Lindsay: That's perfect. Cause then you wouldn't have to feed him. He's just like go figure. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like the, the silent person to sit in the corner. He's just like Groot. He doesn't really say much.

[00:22:27] He just sits there. Provides comic relief.

[00:22:32] John: I see, I see it. The last time I interviewed you on a dead talk. A Dumbfoundead you said that the legacy you wanted to leave behind was to be someone that didn't take themselves too seriously. Yes. Is that, does that still stand? So now that you're nearing 150 plus episodes produce as a podcast.

[00:22:51] Yep. Whoa, what piece of advice could you give to someone wanting to get in this, this medium,

[00:22:58] Lindsay: don't be afraid to ask [00:23:00] questions. Like a lot of the stuff that I learned for podcasting is stuff that I learned from fellow podcasters from reading articles about, you know, what's the best equipment to get and what's the best platform to be hosted on.

[00:23:17] And it's okay to try and fail at things. You know, no one starts off a hundred percent, right? As far as indie podcasting is concerned, like you're not gonna have the perfect mic set up. You're not going to have the perfect You might not have the best music or sound or something, you know, something's not going to be a hundred percent.

[00:23:39] Right. But eventually you'll get where you need to go. And sometimes getting from point a to point B requires asking questions and you should never feel bad or ashamed to ask questions and ask for help. So drops

[00:23:52] John: in gems. That's mic drop.

[00:23:57] Sean: No, just adding onto what Lindsay [00:24:00] said. It reminds me of when John first asked me to join Reddit on Wiki and they were just talking a bunch of like, you know, that can podcast or stuff.

[00:24:06] I have no idea what's happening. I was like, y'all fucking make money off this y'all fucking there's what is dynamic advertising? What is blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh shit. Patriot. I was like, oh man. So much. I didn't know. Yeah, I, I would, I would agree with Lindsay, like just greeting everybody that I've met.

[00:24:25] I haven't met like a ton of people on the indie podcasting. I've interacted with a lot on Twitter. I haven't met a single rude person or everybody is super helpful. I, I haven't seen an online community like that, so

[00:24:41] Lindsay: that's a very fast, yeah. The Twitter, the online indie podcasting Twitter community is probably the only non-toxic space of Twitter.

[00:24:52] Honestly. Like the people in that community are always so helpful, so nice. [00:25:00] And if you do eventually, like there are outlier assholes now, and then that'll kind of work their way in, but I think they finally quick themselves booted out like people aren't going to stand for that. Like it's, it's all about lifting each other up, not tearing each other down, so absolutely

[00:25:16] John: rising tides.

[00:25:17] Yep. So. Cool.

[00:25:20] Sean: You know what? I really did have a question and I'm not bullshitting you. I had a question, but then I got wrapped up in the Cabo and I CA I, I was trying for the second half of that, trying to be like, fuck, I had one. I fucking, I

[00:25:35] John: write shit down.

[00:25:38] Lindsay: Well, if you think of it later on, feel free to add, we'll

[00:25:40] John: edit it out.

[00:25:41] Yeah. Yeah, of

[00:25:42] Sean: course. I'll just DM. You might just be for me personally, I don't know.

[00:25:48] John: Right? So now that we got to know our guests for the week, we just hang on real tight. We can mean yaks. We'll be right back on Reddit on Wiki. After a few words from our sponsors, welcome back to Reddit on Wiki. And it is now time to go [00:26:00] over our episode for the week.

[00:26:02] And today we will be talking about brothers Grimm lens. I know you know about this, but for clickbait purposes, we want to have Sean guests who they are.

[00:26:12] Lindsay: Yep. I'll keep my mind. My mouth

[00:26:14] John: shut. Wait, God,

[00:26:16] Sean: the brothers Grimm. That's a real ass. They're fucking real.

[00:26:23] That's the thing. I thought it was just a

[00:26:25] John: sound bites

[00:26:27] Lindsay: from another mother type of thing.

[00:26:29] Sean: Yeah. I thought it was just like a pen name, you know, like isn't mark Twain. Not really mark Twain. Am I tripping? Is that somebody else?

[00:26:36] Lindsay: That's not his real name.

[00:26:36] John: That's his pen name now I'll keep, keep going. I want you to keep snowballing my guy.

[00:26:40] What do you mean? It's just,

[00:26:43] Sean: there's two besties. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to put it out there. They're writing creepy shit and be like, oh, let's give up a name. You know what I'm saying? No one will think we're fucked up writing about a cannibalism and incest and witches. What the fucking brothers Grimm.

[00:26:58] Cause it's grim.[00:27:00]

[00:27:02] It makes sense.

[00:27:10] John: so according to Wikipedia, the brothers Grimm, Jacob blood VIG, Carl Grimm, and Vil helm, Carl Grimm were German academics. Philologists I didn't even know that was the word. Cultural researchers, lexicographers and authors who together collected and publish folklore. During the 19th century, they were among the first and best known collectors of German and European folk tales and popularized traditional oral oral tales, such as Cinderella, the frog prince, the goose girl, Hansel and Gretel Rapunzel, little red riding hood, the Wolf and the seven younger.

[00:27:53] Rumpelstiltskin, spoiler alert, sleeping, beauty, snow white children's and household tales was [00:28:00] published in two volumes the first in 18, 12, and the second in 1815. So a little more about their biography and how they came about according to, the brothers, Jacob and Vil helm. I got to say Ville home.

[00:28:14] Right? Cause it's German. Is that how it works? Okay. So I got it with a w yeah, absolutely. Like, you know, like Dirk Novitzky. So I got to say it like that. Okay. So Jacob and Vil helm were born in a town in now modern day, Germany. The brothers were raised by their mother and lawyer slash minister father. And so their father's death in 1796, and then soon followed by their mother's passing.

[00:28:37] 12 years later, the loss of their parents forced Jacob to assume the mantle of the head of the household. And they had to endure financial hardships, but the brothers persevered. So Sean, they're not just homies. They're actual brothers. Interesting.

[00:28:50] Sean: Interesting. Last name.

[00:28:52] John: Yeah, good. I'm glad it's not just the pen name.

[00:28:55] Wow. Yeah.

[00:28:57] Sean: Really took a chance. Just putting their real shit out there. Well, [00:29:00]

[00:29:01] John: you ain't fucking around bro. So the brothers turned to scholastics to further their lives and they both followed their father's footsteps and studied law at the university of Marburg. It was during this time that the brothers were heavily influenced by a German author, Clemens Brentano historian, Frederick Frederick, Frederick Friedrich, Friedrich, Friedrich, Carl Von and Johann Gottfried Von herder a fuck off

[00:29:32] Lindsay: Germans

[00:29:32] John: Heartland.

[00:29:33] It is hard, man. The influences unlocked their love for literature, poetry, and became the foundation for their future work that. So the brothers held some various jobs and titles during their time before they came to fame. Jacob became a private librarian for a king at some point while Ville Helms struggled to find regular employment until 1814, but he ended up becoming a secretary of the electors library and castle in [00:30:00] 1814, which Jacob also later joins in 1816.

[00:30:04] So these, these brothers had sight, man. They even worked the same jobs. I don't know how student loans work back then, but non-existent, I don't know maybe the dream. Right. But, but the brothers ended up not pursuing law school, kind of, you know, extremely reminiscent to a lot of college graduates nowadays.

[00:30:24] They don't really use what they went to school for the actual jobs. I know I didn't for, for, for a while. Is that the case for you guys?

[00:30:32] Lindsay: Yeah, I mean, I went to school for graphic design and I do digital marketing now. So.

[00:30:40] Yeah.

[00:30:41] John: Yeah. I have a degree in environmental science yet. I do HR

[00:30:46] Sean: sick. I'm boring. I went to school for supply chain and I work in supply chains.

[00:30:53] John: Love to see, Hey, but Hey, at least your, your your student loans, or if you had to take one [00:31:00] out, you know, they're going to the right place, I guess. It was actually during this time where the brothers honed in on their litter, literary work, the jobs as librarians, however, was not very lucrative. And so they had to live frugally to make ends meet.

[00:31:15] Life kept moving for the brothers as Ville helm. Now married while Jacob remained the bachelor. And actually Jacob was actually living with helm with his wife at that time. However political turmoil, however, costs their brothers, their jobs. And again, they fell in a financial crisis that became kind of the driving force to begin the process of one of their lifelong projects.

[00:31:39] And even though they're pretty well known for their stories, they're actually, they had to do something that. Kind of a big deal back then, which was the creation of the German dictionary. So the dictionary was insane and how much detail it has it involved hundreds of years of the German language [00:32:00] from the way it was used.

[00:32:01] The variance on how the words was used. Wilhelm unfortunately passed away in 1859 and live to see the letter D in their dictionary to be finished while Jacob was grief-stricken and more isolated. He felt more isolated to the world due to the loss of his beloved brother. And he passed away four years later in 1863 and completed all the way up to the letter F pay your respects for all you call of duty players out there.

[00:32:29] The last word that was worked before Jacob's passing, can you guess what the last word was there that they finished?

[00:32:36] Sean: I feel like this is bait, you know, baiting us to say a specific word.

[00:32:41] Lindsay: In German or like,

[00:32:43] John: oh yeah, it has to say, you can say it on the English word.

[00:32:46] Lindsay: I'm going to go all cutesy and say like friend,

[00:32:50] John: friend.

[00:32:50] Okay. What about Frank? No. Okay. This, so the last word, the last word that was worked before Jacob's passing was [00:33:00] actually fruit and it was quite fitting because the fruits of their labor redefined literature to what we enjoy today, let me see what you did there. That was nice. So let's talk about their work now, and, and now that we have some general knowledge about their life, and again, this is read it on Wiki.

[00:33:20] We don't do anything detailed. A lot of the shit that's from Wikipedia anyways. So according to, by the time that both the brothers passed away, their collection of stories were upwards of 200 plus stories. And each one of them also have. Very well detailed illustrations. And I am guilty of this too, because I thought initially that, you know, the brothers actually wrote fairytales like snow white and Rapunzel.

[00:33:47] I didn't know. I thought they, they collected it. I collected it, but you know they did spice it up a little bit and they put kinda more mature. They kinda [00:34:00] cater it to mature audiences. Their work had some actually, not even some, it's a lot of NSFW materials which include sex violence and all Lao, not theirs.

[00:34:12] They even had incest in their stories. So it gets pretty fucked up. And here are a few notable tails that, you know, they're I say, they're they're household names. A lot of people know about this and, and, and later on again, Our guests lands will be reading a section of a book that she brought along. So it's going to get really fucked up real quick.

[00:34:33] So some of the tales that included a Rapunzel Cinderella, snow white, the 12 Huntsman, hassle, and Gretel, and some of those literary works have been so popular that Disney adapted like a much more PG version of those movies. But before Lynn's take us away with one of the stories, I didn't mention that we were kind of w w we were kind of fascinated by some [00:35:00] of the stories.

[00:35:00] So Sean and I actually did a little bit of homework, actually. I forced Sean to do some homework and we, we pick one story to briefly talk about so I can kick things off. Right. If you don't mind. Of course.

[00:35:14] Sean: And by homework, I just meant going on Wikipedia, choosing a story, and then, okay. Okay. Yes, that's what.

[00:35:22] John: Come on my guy. We know you're a copy pasta guy, so y'all know the vibes you notified. So I'm going with the cliff notes version and I got this from interesting literature, and the culture But the one that intrigued me the most was the dark story of Rumpelstiltskin. So the PG version of it.

[00:35:42] So a Miller tells the king, not Nick Miller for you. New girlfriends. I closely identify to Nick Miller. I fucking love new girl

[00:35:50] Sean: off

[00:35:50] John: topic. That's sorry. I all mad full display. I love new girl.

[00:35:55] Sean: What do you call it? The scene where a fucking Schmidt [00:36:00] bias him, the cookie and the Nick Miller buys him a cookie back.

[00:36:03] I could, I could ride peers. Got your cookie. Give you a cookie, bro. So good. Okay. Sorry. Back on topic.

[00:36:13] John: So again, the PG version of Miller tells the king that one of his children can turn straw. Into gold. And the dad knew that this fucker was capping all the time. So he thought that he could pull a fast one on the king until a little wee looking creatures showed up.

[00:36:30] But with its whist, the little guy, and if Josh was here, he would say that the fucker is me because he always know how short I am. But the deal is Rumpelstiltskin gets to have her first gets to have her first born child. Pretty much. That was the deal. She knew that her dad pretty much set her up for failure.

[00:36:51] So she was left with no choice, but to bite the bullet and said, I bet that's, let's make that bet to continue with this story. The king is now dripping in gold. He, [00:37:00] this fool is like Bruno Mars, 24, karat gold right now, styling and profiling, Rick flair style. He was very happy. And he was like, all right, you know, you, you made me rich.

[00:37:10] I'm going to marry this girl. So long story short, she starts a family with the king and she's now pregnant. Her firstborn, but shouty forgot about the deal, man. She done fucked up, but little Rumpy did it. I'm gonna call it grumpy. I don't, I can't say a Rumpelstiltskin a lot before fucking it up. So she pleaded to a little Rumpy and say, come on, fam all is forgiven, right?

[00:37:35] Like it's been, it's been quite a while. So he made another deal. Rumpy said guests, my name in three days and we're square. So she was all her resources, including hiring little agents, spies, whatever you want to call it to track down this little creature. So a night to one of the messengers overheard him recite his name.

[00:37:55] Cause you know, he was getting lit. He was doing a Douggie and a campfire. He was like, I'll go [00:38:00] get his bitches kid. He's like, you know, okay. Then the third night the queen was approached and she went full Lil NAS X on his ass because she called him by his name or a rumble stilt skin. And our boy was livid again in the PG rated narrative.

[00:38:20] What always happens, you get to the end credits happily ever after, but can you, can anyone guess what happened to all Rumpy? Did he

[00:38:30] Lindsay: blow up?

[00:38:31] John: She

[00:38:33] Lindsay: flowed

[00:38:36] Sean: become gold, solid

[00:38:37] John: gold. Oh, that's a good guess. Yeah. So he ripped himself into to

[00:38:45] Sean: a bit of overreaction.

[00:38:47] John: Yeah. So Sean, this is the part you're going to hate.

[00:38:50] So I guess you can say he can rest in pieces.

[00:38:56] Sean: All right. I'll see you guys later. That's it for this episode?

[00:38:59] John: [00:39:00] Well, I see that Sean is torn apart and that joke.

[00:39:07] Sean: He's like

[00:39:11] Lindsay: don't split bread.

[00:39:20] John: Like cut my life into pieces. This is my last,

[00:39:23] Sean: get me outta here. Get me out of here.

[00:39:30] John: I told you she was good, bro.

[00:39:35] Sean: Ah, all right. Well, I did the Juniper tree originally. I had no idea what the fuck this was. I just Googled what the fuck did I Google? I think I Googled like Darcus brothers Grimm stories or more sad ones. And then this one is what came up and I clicked it cause I had no idea what it was. So essentially a, a, a rich couple were praying by a Jew [00:40:00] Juniper tree for long story short, they eventually get the kid.

[00:40:04] But she is so happy that they finally got the kid that she died of joy and exhaustion from childbirth. Yeah. So after that, the kid grows up a little bit and the dad remarries and the step-mom has her own kid. And so the step-mom and her daughter move in like kind of one family here. But the thing is the step-mom is upset that when her husband dies, the son will inherit all the money and not her own daughter.

[00:40:36] So she sets up a plan to kill the son to make sure that the daughter is the only child. So what she does is essentially she tells the, or the, yeah, she tells the. Like oh, do you want apples or whatever? And the daughter was like, yeah. And then she was like, well, come back in a little bit and get out.

[00:40:58] And then like the son [00:41:00] went home and then she was like, Hey, you want apples? And he was like, yeah. She was like, okay, go ahead and grab you one in the, I guess like the bucket or whatever. So he opens the bucket and then it goes to grab the apple and she fucking slams the door so hard that she decapitates the son and kills the son.

[00:41:18] And then what she does after that is she sets the sun up, puts the head back and kind of just leaning or whatever, and kind of like a, you know, like a weekend at Bernie's or, you know what I'm saying? Kind of just a, just a corpse and then puts the apple in the lap. So the daughter comes in. And it's like, oh, did you get my apple?

[00:41:39] And she was like, oh yeah, go ask your brother for it. Oh my God.

[00:41:43] John: She

[00:41:44] Sean: was like, oh, he's not answering me. And she was like, just like hit hit him on the head a little bit. He'll he'll listen, he might be asleep. So she smacks the head and then she thinks she killed her own brother. Oh my God. So she's freaking out.

[00:41:59] She's like, oh [00:42:00] shit. Oh shit. Like what do I do? What I do, what I do. And the mom is like, don't worry. I got it covered, go to your room or whatever. So she chops up, the sun, cooks him in a soup. The dad gets home and it's like, oh, where's my, where's my son. Where's our son. She's like, oh, she's at your mom's house.

[00:42:22] And he's like, oh, okay, that's fine. And then she serves him the soup.

[00:42:26] John: Oh my

[00:42:27] Sean: son's soup. And the dad eats it and it's like, this is delicious. So the data comes down from the. The mom is like, alright, take these bones and Bert buried under the tree. So she buries it under the tree freaking out. And then soon after that, I guess the tree is his blessing because that's where his parents prayed.

[00:42:48] Mist comes from the ground and a bird comes from the mist on the bird is pretty much just going around town, singing songs about how it stepmother killed him and his [00:43:00] there's some lyrics here. I don't know the melody of course, cause it's probably also originally in German. Here we go. I'll just do it in a, a hip hop, beat style.

[00:43:09] You guys like that? Right? Okay. Here we go. My mother, she killed me. My father. He ate me. My sister. Her name is Marlin chin, little Marlin chin gathered together. All my bones tied them in a silken handkerchief, laid them burn. Neat. The Jupiter tree quit. Quit. What a beautiful bird am I. Truly bars by the Grimm brothers.

[00:43:32] But essentially he's going around town singing this shit. And then he starts receiving gifts for, I guess, people freaking out that a bird is just straight up singing English it, but

[00:43:49] wow, here. And then he got he got a gold chain, which makes the rap, which makes the

[00:43:56] John: rap and

[00:43:58] Lindsay: then a flavor [00:44:00] flavor. And it was good.

[00:44:00] Sean: I got a pair of red shoes, which is also kind of hit bottom. That's kind of bollard fucking Yeezys. And then also he got a millstone, much less hip hop. So what he does is he gathers all these gifts and then he goes back to his home bird, gives the chain to the dad.

[00:44:21] I don't know it doesn't explain if the dad. Mike takes it from the bird or if the bird leaves it somewhere for the dad to get, but essentially dad gets the chain. Sister gets the red bottoms and then the mom walks outside and he fucking drops the millstone and kills the mom. And then when, as soon as the mom dies, he becomes the child again.

[00:44:46] And then it says that they all go inside and have dinner together. And it ends no, no mention of how the father and daughter react to the dead mom. But it just says, that's how it ends.

[00:44:59] John: Damn [00:45:00] bruh. Truly

[00:45:02] Sean: weird.

[00:45:04] John: And man, they put the broth in brothers Grimm brush shit. God

[00:45:09] Sean: fucking dammit, man. How,

[00:45:16] how how's wait. Yeah, I'm kind of pumped up. He didn't know about that one.

[00:45:23] Lindsay: Yeah, I haven't read that one, but to be fair, they have 211 stories and I haven't read all 211.

[00:45:32] Sean: So definitely fair. I thought they wrote these two, like John, and then I was like going through the stories on Wikipedia and I was like, ain't no way.

[00:45:38] Ain't no fucking way. There are all 200

[00:45:40] John: of these. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yo, that shit is fucking wild, bro. Bro. I know. Damn well. They ain't no goddamn like, you know, psychologists, psychiatrists back in the day. So like imagine as a fucking child, you just like poke your brother and be like, Hey, wake up in his

[00:45:57] Sean: fucking head, dude, instantly.

[00:45:59] [00:46:00] Trump's like trauma for life.

[00:46:08] John: That's great. This is

[00:46:10] Sean: wild. Mom's dead. Who the fuck cares.

[00:46:16] Lindsay: She was a bad, shit's fine.

[00:46:19] John: She

[00:46:19] Sean: chopped you up anyways.

[00:46:23] Lindsay: God. And then they made her into a stew stepmother still.

[00:46:32] John: Okay. Well, lens use. You mentioned that you might have something more fucked up than this, and you are the main event of this episode. The floor is yours. My lady take it away. All right.

[00:46:43] Lindsay: I do have the actual book here. Ooh, shit. Yeah, I got this in 1999 from my seventh grade, a German teacher. So,

[00:46:58] John: whoa. [00:47:00] I didn't even know how to speak English back in 1999,

[00:47:04] Sean: I was born in America and I couldn't speak English.

[00:47:07] John: And also in the Philippines, I'm like, ah, I don't know. I

[00:47:11] Sean: truly had no

[00:47:12] John: excuse.

[00:47:14] Lindsay: I think. Let me see. All right. You mentioned it earlier and it's my favorite story. So I have to read it to you. And it's the goose girl. Did you actually like read that one?

[00:47:26] John: No, I haven't read the goose girl low. Whenever John said

[00:47:29] Sean: goose girl, I got, oh, I was like, damn, that's the only one I haven't heard of them.

[00:47:33] I'm so now I'm super excited.

[00:47:36] Lindsay: Awesome. There was once upon a time, an old queen whose husband had been dead for many years and she had a beautiful daughter when the princess grew up, she was betrothed to a prince who lived at a great distance when the time came for her to be married. And she had the journey forth into the distant kingdom.

[00:47:55] The age queen packed up her many costly vessels of silver and gold [00:48:00] and trinkets, also a gold and silver and cups and jewels in short, everything which appertain to a Royal dowery for. She loved her child with all her heart. I wish that was my mom. She likewise sent her maiden waiting who was to ride with her and hand her over to the bridegroom and each had a horse for the journey, but the horse of the King's daughter was called filata and could speak.

[00:48:27] So when the hour of partying had come, the age mother went into her bedroom, took a small knife and cut her finger with it and tell it bled. Then she held a white handkerchief to it, into which she let three drops of blood fall, gave it to her daughter and said, dear child preserved this carefully. It will be of service to you on your way.

[00:48:53] John: bruh creepy shit. Yeah.

[00:48:57] Lindsay: So they took a sorrowful leave of each other. [00:49:00] The princess put the piece of cloth in her bosom because that's the safest place to store things is in your, your titties. They didn't have pockets back then. No pockets. They didn't have pockets and dresses back then, what are you going to do?

[00:49:12] Sean: They lucky y'all barely

[00:49:13] John: have pockets now. It's fucked. I know. I know. And yet guys are allowed to wear a cargo fucking pants, a sonar unfair. They're allowed to blow up your thing. They shouldn't,

[00:49:24] Sean: they shouldn't. Yeah.

[00:49:26] Lindsay: No one said it was a good luck mounted her horse, not sexually, and then went away to her bridegroom.

[00:49:37] After she had written for a while, she felt a burning thirst and said to her waiting made dismount and take my cup, which you have brought from me and get me some water from the stream for, I should like to drink if you are thirsty. So the waiting made get off your horse yourself and lie down and drink out of the water.

[00:49:56] I don't choose to be your servant.

[00:49:59] John: [00:50:00] Hmm.

[00:50:04] What? Wait a minute. What a goddamn, I know

[00:50:11] what was made is this

[00:50:15] Lindsay: so in her great thirst, the princess alighted bent down over the water in the stream and drank and was not allowed to drink out of the golden. Then she said, ah, heaven. And the three drops of blood answered. If your mother knew this, her heart would break, but the King's daughter was humble and said nothing and mounted her horse.

[00:50:36] Again, she wrote some miles further, but the day was warm. The sun scorched her and she was thirsty once more. And when they came to a stream of water, she, again, cried to her waiting, made dismount and give me some water in my golden cup for she had long ago forgotten the girl's ill words. I wouldn't.

[00:50:58] John: You know,

[00:50:59] Sean: whatever it says is [00:51:00] a very humble, very nice to your boy.

[00:51:03] Be holding grudges. I'd be like, bitch, what the fuck am I paying you for?

[00:51:09] John: Get off your high horse. Damn it.

[00:51:19] Lindsay: I knew it was in there somewhere. Yeah. Somewhere in there. But the waiting made said still more heartily. If you wish to drink, drink, as you can. I don't choose to be your maid

[00:51:34] then in her great thirst, the King's daughter alighted bent over the flowing stream wept and said, oh, heaven. And the drops of blood. Again, replied, if your mother knew this, her heart would break. And as she was thus drinking and leaning over the streets, The handkerchief with the three drops of blood fell out of her bosom and floated away with the water without her observing it.

[00:51:57] So great was her trouble. [00:52:00] Now we all know something bad's gonna happen.

[00:52:02] John: Now.

[00:52:04] Sean: DNA is

[00:52:05] John: out there in the wild,

[00:52:10] Lindsay: the waiting made, however had seen it. And she rejoiced to think that she had now power over the bride for, since the princess had lost the drops of blood, she had become weak and powerless. So now when she wanted to Mount her horse again, the one that was called Fallada, the weighting maid said Falana is more suitable for me and my neck will do for you.

[00:52:35] And the princess had to be content with that. Then the waiting made with many hard words, bade, the princess exchange her Royal apparel for her own shabby clothes. And at least she was compelled to swear by the clear sky above her that she would not say one word of this to anyone at the Royal court. And if she had not taken this oath, she would have been killed on the spot.[00:53:00]

[00:53:01] Sean: Rosseau it's just, it's just this handmade. And then the princess, they didn't vet this handmade. They didn't

[00:53:14] this handmade bro.

[00:53:16] John: Oh, what kind of temp agency better? They're like the

[00:53:21] Lindsay: old bitches,

[00:53:27] but for lotta saw all this and observed it. Well, the talking a lot is the horse. Yep. But he can talk.

[00:53:35] Sean: Oh, they have this fucking right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah.

[00:53:40] Lindsay: The waiting made now mounted. Falana not sexually. And the true bride, the bad horse, and thus, they traveled onwards until at length, they entered the Royal palace.

[00:53:50] There was great rejoice things over her arrival and the prince sprang forward to meet her lifted. The weighting made from her horse and thought she was his concert. [00:54:00] She was conducted upstairs, but the real princess was left standing below. Then the old king looked out of the window and saw her standing in the courtyard and how dainty and delicate and beautiful she was.

[00:54:15] And instantly went to the Royal apartment and asked the bride about the girl she had with her, who was standing down below in the courtyard and who she was. I picked her up on my way for a companion. Give the girl something to work at that she may not stand. Oh, yeah. Oh fuck.

[00:54:41] But the old king had no work for her and knew of none. So he said, I have a little boy who tends to gifts. She may help him. The boy was called Conrad and the true bride had to help him tend the gifts. Soon. Afterwards, the false bride said [00:55:00] to the young king dearest husband, I beg you to do me a favor. He answered.

[00:55:06] I will do so most willingly, then send for the knacker and have the head of the horse on which I wrote here. Cut off four, text me on the way.

[00:55:18] John: Damn no, bro. This

[00:55:20] Sean: handmaid is fucking calculated, bro. She got this shit planned out,

[00:55:25] Lindsay: right? In reality, she was afraid that the horse might tell how she had behaved to the King's daughter.

[00:55:33] Then she succeeded in making the king promise that it should be done. And the faithful Filotto was to die. No, this came to the ears of the real princess and she secretly promised to pay the knack or a piece of gold. If he would perform a small service for her, there was a great dark looking gateway in the town through which morning and evening she had to pass with the geese.

[00:55:59] Would he [00:56:00] be so good as to nail up philosopher's head on it so that she might see him again, more than once

[00:56:09] John: damn

[00:56:11] Lindsay: the knackers man promised to do that and cut off the head and nailed it fast beneath the dark gateway.

[00:56:19] Sean: Why God.

[00:56:21] Lindsay: Early in the morning when she and Conrad drove out there, flock beneath this gateway, she said in passing a last Falana hanging there, then the head answered.

[00:56:34] Yep. It's one of those stories, whole alas young queen, how ill you fare if this, your tender mother knew her heart would surely break into, then they went still further out of the town and drove their geese into the country. And when they had come to the meadow, she sat down and Unbound her hair, which was like pure gold and Conrad saw it and [00:57:00] delighted in its brightness and wanted to pluck out a few hair.

[00:57:04] Because he is a Dick.

[00:57:10] Then she said, blow, blow the L gentle wind. I say, blow Conrad's little Hattaway and make him chase it here and there until I have braided all my hair and bounded up again. And there came such a violent wind that it blew Conrad's hat far away across country. And he was forced to run after it. When he came back, she had finished combing her hair and was putting it up again and he could not get any of it.

[00:57:37] Then Conrad was angry and would not speak to her. And thus, they watched the geese until the evening. And then they went home next day, when they were driving the geese out through the dark gateway, the maiden said, alas, Falana hanging there. Philosophy. Last name.

[00:57:56] John: He just keeps talking

[00:57:58] Sean: wild [00:58:00] at this point,

[00:58:03] Lindsay: alas young queen, how ill you fare if this, your tender mother knew her heart would surely break into and she sat down again in the field and began to calm out her hair and Conrad ran and tried to clutch it.

[00:58:16] So she said in haste, blow, blow thou gentle wind. I say, blow Conrad's a little Hattaway and make him chase it here and there until I have braided all my hair and bounded up again, then the wind blew and blew his little hat off his head and far away, and Conrad was forced to run after it. And when he came back, her hair had been put up a long time and he could get none of it.

[00:58:40] And so they looked after their geese till evening cane, but in the evening after they had got home, Conrad went to the old king and said, I won't tend to geese with that girl anymore. Why not some

[00:58:55] John: of these Bret workers,

[00:58:59] Lindsay: [00:59:00] why not inquired the aged king? Oh, because she vexes me the whole day long. Then the aged king commanded him to relate what it was that she did to him. And Conrad said in the morning, when we pass beneath the dark gateway with the flock, there is a sorry, horses head on the wall. And she says to it, alas, Falana hanging there.

[00:59:25] And the head replies a last young queen, young queen, how ill you fare if this, your tender mother knew her heart would surely break into and Conrad went on to relate what happened on the goose pasture and how, when there he had to chase his hat, the aged king commanded him to drive his flock out again.

[00:59:44] Next. And as soon as morning came, he placed himself behind the dark gateway and heard how the maiden spoke to the head of Falana. And then he too went into the country and hit himself and the thicket in the meadow there, he soon [01:00:00] saw with his own eyes, the goose girl and the goose boy bringing their flock and how after a while she sat down and unplanted her hair, which shown with radiance.

[01:00:10] And soon she said, blow, blow. They'll gentle wind. I say, blow Conrad's a little Hattaway and make him chase it here and there until I have braided all my hair and bounded up again, then came a blast of wind and carried off camp Conrad's hat so that he had to run far away while the maiden quietly went on Coleman and plaiting her hair, all of which the king observed then quite unseen.

[01:00:35] He went away and when the goose girl came home in the evening, he called her aside and asked why she did all these things. I may not tell you that. And I dare not limit my sorrows to any human being for, I have sworn not to do so by the heaven, which is above me. If I had not done that I should have lost my life.

[01:00:57] He urged her and left her no peace, but he [01:01:00] could draw nothing from her then said, he, if you will not tell me anything, tell your sorrows to the iron stove there. And he went away. Then she crept into the iron stove and began to weep and lament and emptied her whole heart and said, here I am deserted by the whole world.

[01:01:22] And yet I am a King's daughter in a false waiting made, has by force, brought me to such a pass that I have been compelled to put off my Royal apparel. And she has taken my place with my bride groom, and I have to perform menial service as a goose girl. If my mother did, did, but know that her heart would be.

[01:01:43] The aged king, however, was standing outside by the pipe of the stove and was listening to what she said and heard it. Then he came back again and bait her, come out of the stove and Royal garments were placed on her and it was marvelous how [01:02:00] beautiful she was the H king summoned his son and revealed to him that he had got the false bride who was only awaiting mate, but that the true one was standing there as the sometime goose girl, the young king rejoiced with all his heart when he saw her beauty and youth and a great feast was made ready to which all the people and all good friends were invited at the head of the table, set the bridegroom with the King's daughter at one side of him and the weighting made on the other, but the weighting made was blinded and did not recognize the princess in her dazzling.

[01:02:40] John: Shit's about to go down. Well,

[01:02:42] Lindsay: yes, when they had eaten and drunk and were married, the aged king asked the waiting made as a riddle, what a person deserved, who had behaved in such and such a way to her master. And at the same time related the whole story and asked what [01:03:00] sentence such in one merited, then the false bride said she deserves no better fate than to be stripped entirely naked and put in a barrel, which is studded inside with pointed nails.

[01:03:13] And two white horses should be harnessed to it, which will drag her along through one street after another, till she is dead

[01:03:22] John: goddamn,

[01:03:23] Sean: she fucking played herself bros. She went in, she went way to end. Yeah.

[01:03:31] Lindsay: It is, you said the age king and you have pronounced your own sentence

[01:03:40] and thus, shall it be done unto you? When the sentence had been carried out, the young king married his true bride and both of them reigned over their kingdom in peace and happiness.

[01:03:55] Sean: That was happy. That was a nice

[01:03:59] John: [01:04:00] whole girl guy in a barrel full of nails.

[01:04:02] Sean: Hey, home girl fucking deserved it. She did. She

[01:04:06] John: did. Yes, she did.

[01:04:09] Sean: No happy ending.

[01:04:11] John: Happy, very happy ending. I go shout out to the shout out to the real princess. She ain't no snitch, bro.

[01:04:21] True. Not like, not like Sean here, who would snitch on me in a heartbeat. Well, what did we explain about.

[01:04:30] Sean: I

[01:04:30] John: was pitch on you for what? For Salem witch trial. That's all. Hell yeah. Upper snitch town, baby.

[01:04:42] Sean: It is what it is I for and I'm my guy.

[01:04:47] John: Oh my gosh, man. I, I really feel bad for, for what's what's the horse's name

[01:04:52] Lindsay: again?

[01:04:53] John: Yeah. Oh, well I was gonna say falafel, but God, every, every morning

[01:04:58] Sean: I was just picturing [01:05:00] a full-on. On the, on the board, it's kind of like, you know, those singing fish, that's the mental image.

[01:05:07] I have a full lotta

[01:05:10] John: well, if I was like fucking Conrad, at some point, I'm gonna be like, Hey yo, can I get a string or something? So I can tie this into my head. I feel like you've got to be an idiot everyday to be like, oh my hair, my hat

[01:05:27] I'm done. Got to chase those high hat again. That fool is goofy as fuck. That's a

[01:05:34] Sean: classic German accent. John. That was perfect.

[01:05:36] John: That was, I was not trying to hear me at all. Please don't cancel as German listeners have even have any, I don't think we have any,

[01:05:45] Lindsay: and I, I love how he's just like, I can't work with this bitch anymore.

[01:05:48] Like she, she won't let me have any of her hair.

[01:05:54] Sean: That's not a valid request, Conrad. That's not a valid

[01:05:58] John: request by. [01:06:00] Now you are working with goose. What are you got to complain about? Like you get a shouty next to you. And like you complain in that also

[01:06:13] Sean: repeatedly says that she's like, beautiful. So he's just tripping he's before it was just you and goose, bro.

[01:06:20] Yeah. Right? Not

[01:06:21] Lindsay: a good job. You just sitting in the field all day, like enjoying the beautiful weather, watching the geese don't get eaten. That's your job? Like,

[01:06:31] John: why don't you?

[01:06:31] Sean: Yeah. Tom has not even doing that. Really. He's just chasing his hat. Like really girls doing all the work.

[01:06:39] Lindsay: She shouldn't be complaining about you let's be real.

[01:06:43] John: I go fuck that girl though. Like the, the, the main, Ooh man. So what happens in the violent. Did it

[01:06:52] Lindsay: just, yeah, it just, yeah, so apparently it was like blood magic, like that handkerchief was protecting her and [01:07:00] when she didn't have that handkerchief anymore, then the, the main waiting was like, all right, now it's my time.

[01:07:08] John: Wow. That is wild. But man,

[01:07:12] Sean: usually I'm not on the side of the, you know, Royals, you know, usually I'm like, yeah, rebel, but I mean, mam was kind of a bitch from the get-go

[01:07:24] John: and that, that king low-key wise though. Like he he's just like, well, I'm seeing some shit. Let me, let me fuck around real quick. Well,

[01:07:31] Sean: he saw her in the garden from the get-go.

[01:07:33] He was like, this girl is way too pretty to just be a handmaid, him rose. She

[01:07:37] John: says, she looked like she got her background check, done,

[01:07:41] Sean: little mermaid vibes,

[01:07:44] John: right? Ursula.

[01:07:45] Lindsay: She came from the good age. Not the

[01:07:50] John: pro staffing. Yeah,

[01:07:54] Lindsay: not

[01:07:55] John: Craigslist. Oh boy.

[01:07:58] Sean: Oh, what corporate [01:08:00] America, dude.

[01:08:02] John: I think we're all in corporate America. We all want to quit every time I hear like on LinkedIn and just like, oh, it's this, this year is the great resignation. I wish a bitch would because I'm tired, but you know what? We only got two patrons and Lindsey is one of them shout out to Lynn's by the way, who made five bucks motherfucker.

[01:08:30] Sean: And then after Patrion, we make 50 cents baby

[01:08:34] John: in Canadian, in Canadian. So really we don't make any money. You're paying

[01:08:40] Lindsay: me money.

[01:08:43] John: Yeah. We're paying Josh fucking, what are we going to do with BJ man? But Columbine anyways, I think that's it for this week. We just want to say thank you Lynn's for, for joining us and providing us with that goose girl story.

[01:08:59] Would you [01:09:00] actually mind telling the Wikimedia X where they can find you? Sure.

[01:09:04] Lindsay: First of all, thank you for having me. This was really fun. So any time, ah, You can find yield We're also on Twitter at yield crime pod and on Instagram at yield crime podcast. For pineapple pizza, we're at pine app, a P P pizza pod and that app app

[01:09:31] Sean: and

[01:09:35] Lindsay: that's on Twitter and Instagram. And we also have a website pine app pizza, I think, I think that's right.

[01:09:46] John: Awesome. We're there you have it folks. Thank you for tuning in this week and make sure to subscribe on all your favorite podcasts. Leave your boys and your girl, a five star rating on apple podcasts.

[01:09:57] Good pods and pod chaser, and make sure to [01:10:00] tell all your friends about it. Most importantly, check out our good friend, Lindsay Valenti and her shows yield prime and pineapple pizza podcast. We're signing off. Maybe it's just Sean and I this week. So remember if you saw something that kept you up at night, you must've read it red with on awake key appeal time.

[01:10:21] Sean: That's right. I get to steal the last line now, John, that's it. I.

Lindsay ValentyProfile Photo

Lindsay Valenty


Lindsay Valenty is the host of the "Ye Olde Crime" podcast, where she and her sister Madison discuss the funny, strange, and obscure crimes that took place before the 1900s. She's also one of the co-hosts of "Pineapple Pizza Podcast," which shares the myths, cryptids, and urban legends of different countries around the world.